I've realized in the last couple of weeks, that without goodbyes there would be no new hellos. For being an INFJ and an introvert at heart, it surprises me still to figure out that I cherish the new. New friendships, new places, new. It really doesn't make sense, because I hate change. How can one hate change and yet love new? I can't answer that. All I know is that it is what it is. There is a part of me that loves "home" and stability and routine and tradition. Yet, there is also a large part of me that loves adventure and discovery. I'm a conundrum.
On July 21st I made the decision to move back to Oregon. Just 6 days later I got in the car and started the 2,000 mile journey to little Gold Beach to surprise my dad for his birthday. Prior to my final decision to move, I wrestled with many things. I went on long drives and listened to podcasts and prayed and prayed. With the decision to move to Oregon also came the decision to not return to YWAM in September. Many variables and points went into this decision. In short, my heart has been longing for beloved Oregon. After traveling for the last 2.5 years, and coming back for a week here or a weekend there, I've discovered something that Oregonians have known all along. There's no place like home, especially if that home is Oregon. Oregon is so unique and the Pacific Northwest has more to offer than most of the world put together in my opinion. Okay, maybe not. But it's pretty close!
In the past few years I have called home 3 different countries, 3 states, and an overwhelming dozen addresses. I own what can only fit in my beat up '99 Toyota Avalon. It has been fantastic. I truly wouldn't change the places I've been, the people I've met, or the experiences I've shared with those people for anything. My life is so rich! Growing up in tiny towns didn't afford me the chance to experience community like I've been able to, simply due to the variety of people and backgrounds and experiences. This journey has taught me more about Jesus, more about living like Him, then I ever imagined. It's like there's an entire new dimension or color to life now. The time I've spent traveling has given me the chance to decide who I want to be and what exactly I believe. It's been full of ups and downs, but it's been authentic living.
I have missed my family and missed moments with them, that I wish I hadn't. They are a large reason I've moved back. Without my family, I would not be me. They are the basis, the foundation of who Katie is. They spent 21 years pouring into me, and now I'd like the opportunity to give back.
So, to recap - I'm back in Oregon and once I get back to the east side, my hair will finally behave for the first time in 3 years (happy happy dance!). Seriously though, thank you to everyone who has walked with me in this last season. I love you all. Here's to settling down for a while and discovering the beauty of God's country again!
-Katie Jean
Monday, August 10, 2015
Sunday, June 7, 2015
It Just Take Faith, Surrender, and Courage
(This is part 3 of my journey to the Mid-West. Read part 1 and part 2 here)
Hey everyone. I've been in the Mid-West now for 2 1/2 months. It has been such a fantastic adventure. I look back on the journey it was to get here and I cannot help but praise the Lord. Only He could have fashioned a story like this.
When I last left off, I had been living with the Cs for about a month and a half. During this time I had been praying about the whole journey north and for the most part I was able to lay things down before God. There were days though that the worry would start and my chest would get tight and all I could do was cry out to God. He is so faithful. He is ever faithful. The big things that I had been praying about were 1) my car 2) a job and 3) a place to live. I kept praying and laying things down, but there were no answers. About 2 weeks before I left I was praying about a job and I felt the Lord whisper to my heart that I wouldn't hear back about a job until I was on the road.
Wait, what?!
I just sat there and prayed again and felt the same response. I knew I could only have two reactions - I could freak out and give up or I could have faith and a little courage. Now that I'm on the other side, I cannot tell you just HOW thankful I am that I chose the latter.
God was handling my job. That left my car and a place to live. I had applied for jobs in Wisconsin and Minnesota, so housing was going to depend on where my job was, which just left my car. Franny (my 1998 Ford Explorer) had gotten me around since the summer after I graduated from High School. She made it back and forth to college and even to the heat of Phoenix, but I knew it would take some work to get her road worthy for the journey I needed her for. As the date for leaving kept getting closer and closer, I kept praying and again wasn't getting any answers. One of the guys had a friend who was a mechanic and was willing to take a look at it, but the timing never panned out. Julie (the woman I was living with) made a call and got my car into the shop she goes to. This was Thursday, March 5th. I was leaving Tuesday, March 10th.
During this whole process I could only rely on the Lord's strength. There was absolutely no way I could do it on my own. Thursday afternoon I got a call from the mechanic, he told me things were not good. He was straight up and said that even if he fixed everything he could, he wouldn't put his daughter in it to drive across the country. I said thank you and that I would call back. My heart racing, I picked up the phone to call my Daddy. But the Lord tugged on my heart and I could hear Him asking, "What about me? Have I not been your father these last 6 weeks, this last year and a half? Will you trust me with this too?" I sat there stunned. When rubber had hit the road, I still didn't turn to the God who never leaves me nor forsakes me. I started praying and pretty soon brought Hannah in on the loop to pray as well. Julie called to see if I had heard anything and I told her everything. Ten minutes later she called back to say that she might have a car for me. Part of me was stunned, but the other part just smiled and nodded. This is the God who created the world in 7 days, is it not?
That night, I went and talked to the boys and we worked everything out. Friday I left to go to Prescott with a co-worker to help teach a class at the Wildfire Academy. I got back Sunday and tried to track down the boys to get the title to the car. No luck. I prayed and cried and prayed and cried and asked God again and again what He was doing. I told him that if I hadn't heard back by 9:00pm about the car, that He would have to provide something else. At 8:50 the boys called and said they would have the title the next day. God had worked everything out.
Monday was a rush of cleaning out my storage unit, packing, moving furniture, and taking the car to the shop to get some much needed work done. There was stillness in the midst of the crazy. Precious moments with new friends in the fray of moving across the country. The entire day was clouded with peace. Really, I had no choice BUT to trust God since I was leaving the next day. I had the title to the car in my hand at 5:59pm. The notary closed at 6:00. Praise the Lord.
Looking back on the weeks leading up to my departure from Phoenix makes me shake my head in wonder. I am so incredibly thankful for the people who played big and small roles in getting me on the road. We truly cannot walk through this life without community and people. Most importantly, we cannot live this life to the fullness it was intended without God. I wish I had time to tell the you about the tiny in-between moments that truly showed me the character of our Lord - that He loves us, always provides, and cares about the little things. For now, you'll just have to trust me with the evidence in the big things. :)
-Katie Jean
Hey everyone. I've been in the Mid-West now for 2 1/2 months. It has been such a fantastic adventure. I look back on the journey it was to get here and I cannot help but praise the Lord. Only He could have fashioned a story like this.
When I last left off, I had been living with the Cs for about a month and a half. During this time I had been praying about the whole journey north and for the most part I was able to lay things down before God. There were days though that the worry would start and my chest would get tight and all I could do was cry out to God. He is so faithful. He is ever faithful. The big things that I had been praying about were 1) my car 2) a job and 3) a place to live. I kept praying and laying things down, but there were no answers. About 2 weeks before I left I was praying about a job and I felt the Lord whisper to my heart that I wouldn't hear back about a job until I was on the road.
Wait, what?!
I just sat there and prayed again and felt the same response. I knew I could only have two reactions - I could freak out and give up or I could have faith and a little courage. Now that I'm on the other side, I cannot tell you just HOW thankful I am that I chose the latter.
God was handling my job. That left my car and a place to live. I had applied for jobs in Wisconsin and Minnesota, so housing was going to depend on where my job was, which just left my car. Franny (my 1998 Ford Explorer) had gotten me around since the summer after I graduated from High School. She made it back and forth to college and even to the heat of Phoenix, but I knew it would take some work to get her road worthy for the journey I needed her for. As the date for leaving kept getting closer and closer, I kept praying and again wasn't getting any answers. One of the guys had a friend who was a mechanic and was willing to take a look at it, but the timing never panned out. Julie (the woman I was living with) made a call and got my car into the shop she goes to. This was Thursday, March 5th. I was leaving Tuesday, March 10th.
During this whole process I could only rely on the Lord's strength. There was absolutely no way I could do it on my own. Thursday afternoon I got a call from the mechanic, he told me things were not good. He was straight up and said that even if he fixed everything he could, he wouldn't put his daughter in it to drive across the country. I said thank you and that I would call back. My heart racing, I picked up the phone to call my Daddy. But the Lord tugged on my heart and I could hear Him asking, "What about me? Have I not been your father these last 6 weeks, this last year and a half? Will you trust me with this too?" I sat there stunned. When rubber had hit the road, I still didn't turn to the God who never leaves me nor forsakes me. I started praying and pretty soon brought Hannah in on the loop to pray as well. Julie called to see if I had heard anything and I told her everything. Ten minutes later she called back to say that she might have a car for me. Part of me was stunned, but the other part just smiled and nodded. This is the God who created the world in 7 days, is it not?
That night, I went and talked to the boys and we worked everything out. Friday I left to go to Prescott with a co-worker to help teach a class at the Wildfire Academy. I got back Sunday and tried to track down the boys to get the title to the car. No luck. I prayed and cried and prayed and cried and asked God again and again what He was doing. I told him that if I hadn't heard back by 9:00pm about the car, that He would have to provide something else. At 8:50 the boys called and said they would have the title the next day. God had worked everything out.
Monday was a rush of cleaning out my storage unit, packing, moving furniture, and taking the car to the shop to get some much needed work done. There was stillness in the midst of the crazy. Precious moments with new friends in the fray of moving across the country. The entire day was clouded with peace. Really, I had no choice BUT to trust God since I was leaving the next day. I had the title to the car in my hand at 5:59pm. The notary closed at 6:00. Praise the Lord.
Looking back on the weeks leading up to my departure from Phoenix makes me shake my head in wonder. I am so incredibly thankful for the people who played big and small roles in getting me on the road. We truly cannot walk through this life without community and people. Most importantly, we cannot live this life to the fullness it was intended without God. I wish I had time to tell the you about the tiny in-between moments that truly showed me the character of our Lord - that He loves us, always provides, and cares about the little things. For now, you'll just have to trust me with the evidence in the big things. :)
-Katie Jean
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Ask And It Will Be Given To You
(This is part 2 in my journey to the Mid-West. Read part 1 here.)
Last Wednesday I had to turn in the keys to my apartment. On Monday I still didn't know where I was going to go. But I took the step of faith and started packing. For those of you who struggle with anxiety and depression, I know you'll understand the complete mess I was. There were moments all I could do was sit on the floor and stare at the wall, not moving for 10 minutes or half an hour. Then a wave of energy would blow over me and I would move and pack. I could not have done it without the help of my co-workers. We've walked through just about everything together and I don't think they really know how much I appreciate them.
I moved. Into a hotel. By the grace of God, there was a special going on across the street for storage units. Any size for $20. I called or texted almost everyone I knew in the area about a place to stay, and nothing. Even though I didn't know where I was going to live for 6 weeks, there was just an unspeakable peace over me. I trusted the Lord. On Saturday I started to worry. The Super Bowl was coming to Phoenix the following weekend and prices were going to sky rocket. So I kept praying for a place to live within my budget. And I prayed for a family. More like demanded. I'm pretty sure that God just laughs at me more often than not. I think I know exactly what I need. Most of the time, I have absolutely no clue!
As I share with you this incredible journey the Lord has me on, I also have to share the part where I surrender time to spend in His word. Reading the Bible isn't something that has ever come natural to me. It also isn't something I've always practiced. I know some people that have. They've been having consistent quiet time since they were 10. Praise the Lord if you are in that group! If you're not, allow me to impart what I've learned. It takes practice. To practice, you have to set aside time. Sometimes I just listen to whatever I'm reading that day in the car on the way to work. And I'll listen to it 4 or 5 times throughout the day. Sometimes I read it on my iPad. Sometimes I actually open my Bible and read the Words of God on a page. I don't think that any of those three are less than the other. It's all about being involved with God.
Having steady quiet time is one of the things I committed to when I stepped out in faith on this journey to Wisconsin. It's not easy. Some days I totally screw it up. But it's okay. His mercies are NEW every morning. Not just Sundays and Tuesdays, all the days! So pick up your Bible and read. Spend time in prayer, really. A set aside time. It doesn't have to be long. It can literally be 3 minutes. Amazing things will happen as you spend time in communion with God.
... Back to the timeline:
Sunday I didn't go to church because I was on call and spent most of the day dealing with work stuff. At 6:57pm on Sunday night I got a text that Julie wanted to meet me. At 7:06pm Sunday night, one of the guys (my incredible brother James!) called to say that Jana and Julie wanted to have coffee with me the next day. I said yes!
I went to coffee and sat down with them (rewind to the part where I went to the WRONG Starbucks... I even had the address....) and we just talked for half an hour. I shared, they shared, and it was perfect. At the end Jana told me about how they have family dinner on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and that I am welcome anytime. I about started crying. Jesus cares about the details. You know what's even crazier about this whole thing? I met Gilly (the girl who was the connection to the family) the weekend before I went to Wisconsin and the Lord planted the seed. I almost didn't go into the event that night. I sat in the car and Hannah prayed with me over WhatsApp and then we met because I opened my mouth and YWAM came out and everyone knows someone in YWAM it seems like now-a-days. Isn't God incredible? He orchestrated ALL of this before I even met the girl that would introduce us!
I cannot paint a picture beautiful enough to really tell the story of the last 6 weeks with the Cs. It has been family. It has been kindred spirits. It has been slowing down and living life with other people. It has been God-ordained. It has been amazing.
Last Wednesday I had to turn in the keys to my apartment. On Monday I still didn't know where I was going to go. But I took the step of faith and started packing. For those of you who struggle with anxiety and depression, I know you'll understand the complete mess I was. There were moments all I could do was sit on the floor and stare at the wall, not moving for 10 minutes or half an hour. Then a wave of energy would blow over me and I would move and pack. I could not have done it without the help of my co-workers. We've walked through just about everything together and I don't think they really know how much I appreciate them.
I moved. Into a hotel. By the grace of God, there was a special going on across the street for storage units. Any size for $20. I called or texted almost everyone I knew in the area about a place to stay, and nothing. Even though I didn't know where I was going to live for 6 weeks, there was just an unspeakable peace over me. I trusted the Lord. On Saturday I started to worry. The Super Bowl was coming to Phoenix the following weekend and prices were going to sky rocket. So I kept praying for a place to live within my budget. And I prayed for a family. More like demanded. I'm pretty sure that God just laughs at me more often than not. I think I know exactly what I need. Most of the time, I have absolutely no clue!
As I share with you this incredible journey the Lord has me on, I also have to share the part where I surrender time to spend in His word. Reading the Bible isn't something that has ever come natural to me. It also isn't something I've always practiced. I know some people that have. They've been having consistent quiet time since they were 10. Praise the Lord if you are in that group! If you're not, allow me to impart what I've learned. It takes practice. To practice, you have to set aside time. Sometimes I just listen to whatever I'm reading that day in the car on the way to work. And I'll listen to it 4 or 5 times throughout the day. Sometimes I read it on my iPad. Sometimes I actually open my Bible and read the Words of God on a page. I don't think that any of those three are less than the other. It's all about being involved with God.
Having steady quiet time is one of the things I committed to when I stepped out in faith on this journey to Wisconsin. It's not easy. Some days I totally screw it up. But it's okay. His mercies are NEW every morning. Not just Sundays and Tuesdays, all the days! So pick up your Bible and read. Spend time in prayer, really. A set aside time. It doesn't have to be long. It can literally be 3 minutes. Amazing things will happen as you spend time in communion with God.
... Back to the timeline:
Sunday I didn't go to church because I was on call and spent most of the day dealing with work stuff. At 6:57pm on Sunday night I got a text that Julie wanted to meet me. At 7:06pm Sunday night, one of the guys (my incredible brother James!) called to say that Jana and Julie wanted to have coffee with me the next day. I said yes!
I went to coffee and sat down with them (rewind to the part where I went to the WRONG Starbucks... I even had the address....) and we just talked for half an hour. I shared, they shared, and it was perfect. At the end Jana told me about how they have family dinner on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday and that I am welcome anytime. I about started crying. Jesus cares about the details. You know what's even crazier about this whole thing? I met Gilly (the girl who was the connection to the family) the weekend before I went to Wisconsin and the Lord planted the seed. I almost didn't go into the event that night. I sat in the car and Hannah prayed with me over WhatsApp and then we met because I opened my mouth and YWAM came out and everyone knows someone in YWAM it seems like now-a-days. Isn't God incredible? He orchestrated ALL of this before I even met the girl that would introduce us!
I cannot paint a picture beautiful enough to really tell the story of the last 6 weeks with the Cs. It has been family. It has been kindred spirits. It has been slowing down and living life with other people. It has been God-ordained. It has been amazing.
Miracles are Just the Small Things.
(This is part 1 of a series on my journey to the Mid-West)
I have so much to share with you guys. First and foremost I must give all of the glory, honor, and praise to the King of the universe! His love for me has completely blown me away. The beginning of this story starts shortly after Christmas. I had applied for dozens of jobs and was not getting any response from anyone. All attempts to find a place to live simply didn't pan out. One of my very best girls came to see me and we got to just sit and talk in Panera for hours. Hours, people! It was fantastic! I walked away encouraged beyond belief and with a new clean gust of air in my lungs.
It came the time to give my two weeks notice at work. I cannot tell you how terrified I was. I had prayed and prayed and worried and worried some more. Every conceivable outcome of this monumental decision had played through my mind again and again. I also kept remembering the signs the Lord had shown me. I decided to let faith win the battle of my mind. I chose to step out in faith and say yes. Going into the office that day I had no future job, no future place to live, and a death sentence for a car. I serve a God who loves to give abundantly and take care of His children, so I took the first step of faith. Before I went in I prayed and journaled and asked God to soften the heart of my boss. I couldn't handle the thought of no support. I walked into my boss' office and laid it all out on the table. I explained my plans, the lack of concrete answers at the immediate moment, and why I was leaving.
His answer blew me away. He understood. We made a deal. He offered to help me find a car and sell my furniture if I would stay until the beginning of March to train some new employees. Everything inside of me was screaming to say, "NO!". I sat there and thought about it and realized that this was an answer to my prayer. So I said, "Yes." It was a questions, a softly spoken word, with only some heart behind it. Immediately I felt immeasurable peace. Even though January was always my plan, I agreed to wait.
It's been three weeks since that conversation. It's been a wild ride, my friends. It's been full of tiny moments of doubt and wondering if I really am walking in the right direction, but then I remember that all the Lord has asked of me is discipleship. Discipleship is simply walking one step at a time in His plan. So that's what I've been doing: walking one. step. at. a time. Of course, I am constantly reigning in my errant brain waves from their tumultuous race to the future and all the possible things that can go wrong. It's been an emotional, physical, and spiritual battle! But at the end of the day? God is GOOD. He gives good gifts and He loves us. Remember that.
I have so much to share with you guys. First and foremost I must give all of the glory, honor, and praise to the King of the universe! His love for me has completely blown me away. The beginning of this story starts shortly after Christmas. I had applied for dozens of jobs and was not getting any response from anyone. All attempts to find a place to live simply didn't pan out. One of my very best girls came to see me and we got to just sit and talk in Panera for hours. Hours, people! It was fantastic! I walked away encouraged beyond belief and with a new clean gust of air in my lungs.
It came the time to give my two weeks notice at work. I cannot tell you how terrified I was. I had prayed and prayed and worried and worried some more. Every conceivable outcome of this monumental decision had played through my mind again and again. I also kept remembering the signs the Lord had shown me. I decided to let faith win the battle of my mind. I chose to step out in faith and say yes. Going into the office that day I had no future job, no future place to live, and a death sentence for a car. I serve a God who loves to give abundantly and take care of His children, so I took the first step of faith. Before I went in I prayed and journaled and asked God to soften the heart of my boss. I couldn't handle the thought of no support. I walked into my boss' office and laid it all out on the table. I explained my plans, the lack of concrete answers at the immediate moment, and why I was leaving.
His answer blew me away. He understood. We made a deal. He offered to help me find a car and sell my furniture if I would stay until the beginning of March to train some new employees. Everything inside of me was screaming to say, "NO!". I sat there and thought about it and realized that this was an answer to my prayer. So I said, "Yes." It was a questions, a softly spoken word, with only some heart behind it. Immediately I felt immeasurable peace. Even though January was always my plan, I agreed to wait.
It's been three weeks since that conversation. It's been a wild ride, my friends. It's been full of tiny moments of doubt and wondering if I really am walking in the right direction, but then I remember that all the Lord has asked of me is discipleship. Discipleship is simply walking one step at a time in His plan. So that's what I've been doing: walking one. step. at. a time. Of course, I am constantly reigning in my errant brain waves from their tumultuous race to the future and all the possible things that can go wrong. It's been an emotional, physical, and spiritual battle! But at the end of the day? God is GOOD. He gives good gifts and He loves us. Remember that.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
One Step at a Time
There is so much to share with you all. The most important thing you need to know though is that God is incredible. He is indescribable. For that reason, it has been hard to write this post. So many things have happened in the last month. The biggest change that has taken place though is the state of my heart. I think for the first time I am truly surrendered to God. What does that mean you say? I think this sums it up nicely:
You may or may not know that most of my life I've dealt with anxiety. My personality and temperament are just tuned that way. It wasn't until I went to see a Christian counselor after walking through the deaths of 19 of my co-workers in 2013, that I understood I didn't have to live like that. Of course I had read the verses above and other references in the Bible of "Do not be afraid" and "Worrying will not add a single day to your life", but it wasn't until someone explained what that really meant for me did I realize it was a problem. You see, I would get lost in my own brain sometimes. My mind would race down a rabbit trail of 'what ifs' and 'if only I'd' scenarios, and sometimes I couldn't do anything else. It lead to depression and withdrawal and putting on a happy face to the world because it was just too hard to let people in. Folks, I'm here to say that that right there is NO place to live in. There is freedom and it's found in Christ Jesus. I cannot tell you how absolutely freeing it is to lay everything at the foot of the cross and surrender it to Jesus.
I didn't know what that looked like for a long time. I must have missed the sermons about discipleship, or maybe they just weren't there. Do you know what discipleship is? Has anyone explained it?
That's all folks.
There's no formula. No special rituals. There are no special prayers to say. It's a relationship with the Creator God who put you where you're at today. He's standing right in front you, hand stretched out to take yours and lead you on the narrow path. People get so scared and loose sight of the big picture. The truth is, the big picture is Jesus. It's when you try to look under His arm or around His side while you think He's not looking and see a looming mountain that you panic. Just keep your eyes on Jesus. He'll show you the mountain if He wants, but you still have to follow in His steps to get there. The thing I love about discipleship is that it's not just me, Katie Jean, walking some wandering, narrow path. It's Jesus leading me. He says He will never leave me and He will never forsake me. He is omnipresent, which means He is literally everywhere at once.
So the last month has been a time of me completely surrendering for the sake of surrender. To sincerely give everything to God with no expectations. And you know what? He has answered me and provided for me in ways I could never have truly imagined. In 29 days, I am leaving Phoenix and headed to YWAM Tyler, where I'll be attending a 2 day worship conference. From there, I will continue my cross-country drive to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, which will be my home until September when I'll head back to YWAM Tyler for a School of Worship. I cannot begin to share with you the joy and excitement I have to be starting this next chapter with my YWAM family in worship and intercession for the nations. I can think of no better way.
The School of Worship (SOW) I'll be attending is a 6 month program, and set up like the DTS I did last year in Australia. It will have a 3 month lecture/training phase where we'll study the Biblical principals of a worship leader as well as be trained in practical application of our chosen instrument. I've chosen the keyboard as my instrument of choice for this training. After that is complete, we'll have a 3 month outreach phase. At this point, I don't know where we'll be going. It could be anywhere. We may stay here in the U.S or travel to Asia. I just don't know. We'll be sharing the gospel through music and the heart of worship. I will need to raise about $8,000 dollars for this ministry. If you'd like to partner with me through finances or prayer, reach out to me via email or Facebook. I'd love to chat with you about it some more.
I have so many specific stories I want to share with you about how God is working in my life, but for now I'll just leave you with what's above. I pray that your tomorrow is better than today and that your heart is beating closer to God's.
Much love,
Katie Jean
Matthew 6:25-34
"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. but if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
You may or may not know that most of my life I've dealt with anxiety. My personality and temperament are just tuned that way. It wasn't until I went to see a Christian counselor after walking through the deaths of 19 of my co-workers in 2013, that I understood I didn't have to live like that. Of course I had read the verses above and other references in the Bible of "Do not be afraid" and "Worrying will not add a single day to your life", but it wasn't until someone explained what that really meant for me did I realize it was a problem. You see, I would get lost in my own brain sometimes. My mind would race down a rabbit trail of 'what ifs' and 'if only I'd' scenarios, and sometimes I couldn't do anything else. It lead to depression and withdrawal and putting on a happy face to the world because it was just too hard to let people in. Folks, I'm here to say that that right there is NO place to live in. There is freedom and it's found in Christ Jesus. I cannot tell you how absolutely freeing it is to lay everything at the foot of the cross and surrender it to Jesus.
I didn't know what that looked like for a long time. I must have missed the sermons about discipleship, or maybe they just weren't there. Do you know what discipleship is? Has anyone explained it?
Discipleship is putting God back on His rightful throne, denying your life in service to Him, and just walking one. step. at. a. time.
That's all folks.
There's no formula. No special rituals. There are no special prayers to say. It's a relationship with the Creator God who put you where you're at today. He's standing right in front you, hand stretched out to take yours and lead you on the narrow path. People get so scared and loose sight of the big picture. The truth is, the big picture is Jesus. It's when you try to look under His arm or around His side while you think He's not looking and see a looming mountain that you panic. Just keep your eyes on Jesus. He'll show you the mountain if He wants, but you still have to follow in His steps to get there. The thing I love about discipleship is that it's not just me, Katie Jean, walking some wandering, narrow path. It's Jesus leading me. He says He will never leave me and He will never forsake me. He is omnipresent, which means He is literally everywhere at once.
So the last month has been a time of me completely surrendering for the sake of surrender. To sincerely give everything to God with no expectations. And you know what? He has answered me and provided for me in ways I could never have truly imagined. In 29 days, I am leaving Phoenix and headed to YWAM Tyler, where I'll be attending a 2 day worship conference. From there, I will continue my cross-country drive to Eau Claire, Wisconsin, which will be my home until September when I'll head back to YWAM Tyler for a School of Worship. I cannot begin to share with you the joy and excitement I have to be starting this next chapter with my YWAM family in worship and intercession for the nations. I can think of no better way.
The School of Worship (SOW) I'll be attending is a 6 month program, and set up like the DTS I did last year in Australia. It will have a 3 month lecture/training phase where we'll study the Biblical principals of a worship leader as well as be trained in practical application of our chosen instrument. I've chosen the keyboard as my instrument of choice for this training. After that is complete, we'll have a 3 month outreach phase. At this point, I don't know where we'll be going. It could be anywhere. We may stay here in the U.S or travel to Asia. I just don't know. We'll be sharing the gospel through music and the heart of worship. I will need to raise about $8,000 dollars for this ministry. If you'd like to partner with me through finances or prayer, reach out to me via email or Facebook. I'd love to chat with you about it some more.
I have so many specific stories I want to share with you about how God is working in my life, but for now I'll just leave you with what's above. I pray that your tomorrow is better than today and that your heart is beating closer to God's.
Much love,
Katie Jean
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Moving On
Writing has been hard since I've returned from YWAM and re-established myself, as much as I can, into this world I live in. I think about writing often. I have a whole list of blog posts to write. Yet, there has been a lacking driving force. Even my personal journaling has dropped off the edge of a huge cliff the last 9 months. It is crazy to think that a year ago, I was on the Gold Coast in Australia, with the worst sunburn of my life. It was there that I learned the truth about evangelism though and for the first time in my life understood what it means to truly love people. It seems like so long ago.
2015. A year of rest and divine grace.
It's incredible how much I need those two things more than anything in my life right now. I have been struggling and wrestling with grace for myself since my return to the States. It's a journey that scares me. It is one I am willing to pursue though. As for the rest? I am long overdue for true rest. The past two years have been physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting for me in so many ways. They have been the worst years of my life and yet the best. Two sides to the same coin. I cling to the good memories and the friendships forged out of vulnerability and God alone.
For these reasons and more, I am leaving the Valley of the Sun. This was not a place I foresaw spending long amounts of time in when I first came here, and the time has come to leave. My journey here was one of God pushing me out the door and out of my comfort zone. It was one of immense fear and trepidation of what was to come. I should never fear or worry. He provided me with everything I needed and more. While this next adventure has more questions and unknowns, the fear is severely less. I am beyond excited to join my friend in Wisconsin. I have no idea what is in store there for me, but I know that God will see me through. He has brought me so far already. I will not doubt His goodness to me, even when I don't deserve it.
2015. A year of rest and divine grace.
It's incredible how much I need those two things more than anything in my life right now. I have been struggling and wrestling with grace for myself since my return to the States. It's a journey that scares me. It is one I am willing to pursue though. As for the rest? I am long overdue for true rest. The past two years have been physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausting for me in so many ways. They have been the worst years of my life and yet the best. Two sides to the same coin. I cling to the good memories and the friendships forged out of vulnerability and God alone.
For these reasons and more, I am leaving the Valley of the Sun. This was not a place I foresaw spending long amounts of time in when I first came here, and the time has come to leave. My journey here was one of God pushing me out the door and out of my comfort zone. It was one of immense fear and trepidation of what was to come. I should never fear or worry. He provided me with everything I needed and more. While this next adventure has more questions and unknowns, the fear is severely less. I am beyond excited to join my friend in Wisconsin. I have no idea what is in store there for me, but I know that God will see me through. He has brought me so far already. I will not doubt His goodness to me, even when I don't deserve it.
Monday, July 28, 2014
The Places I'll Go.
For those of you who are new to my story, I'll summarize. I'm a missionary. I'm a worshiper. I'm a child of the King. This post may seem perchance titled a little off, but try and track with me. Tonight, I want to talk about tattoos. Yes - you read correctly. Tattoos.
This is a touchy subject among the Christian world. And whatever view you may hold on the matter, I'm not here to pick a fight or to condemn or to point fingers.
Tattoos - they tell stories. In the traveling that I have done over the past year I have met many a people with ink upon their bodies. Each has an unique story to tell. Every line, tittle, and jot has a history and a reason. I met women in my beloved land of Papua New Guinea who bear the mark of old tribal history upon the weathered skin of their faces. They have come from out of the jungle. They have traveled into the light. Some still scorn them for the marks upon their brows and cheeks. These marks are the signs of witchcraft. Of beliefs of old that have been cracked open by the Light of the World.
Is it so surprising that a culture, that has sustained much of it's traditions over the last century, is visible in threads among modern society? Is it so strange to see facial tattoos when walking along in any major metropolitan area? What may have been looked down upon 50, or even 20, years ago has found a stable place in culture. Because the art of expressing oneself is never to be repressed. Right?
My own tattoo... it has a story. It's a reminder to me to remember. (Funny how we need those, hey?) Life isn't always easy. It's not generally pretty. There's a lot of shoe scuffing, glass breaking, nail biting moments in day to day life. A year ago, my life was dark and bleak. I walked through a season of death and searching in ways my 21 and 22 year old self had never imagined possible. Every day was a struggle to just get up. To face reality and the raw mess that we're left with in the blink of an eye sometimes. After months of pain, sorrow, and self-inflicted isolation from God, a friend helped pull me out of the place I had holed myself up in. I am forever grateful to him. I'm not sure he'll ever truly understand the depth of my thankfulness. As winter turned into spring inside my soul, I found myself with my girl Charlie at a tattoo parlor. I knew what I wanted. Small. Unobtrusive. A reminder. This small mark upon my flesh was a sort of manifesto against the enemy. It was my way of screaming what I couldn't vocalize. "You. Did. Not. Win." It was the closing of a chapter, the opening of another.
I chose the ichthus.
Early believers used this simple fish to identify one another. One would draw an arc casually in the sand, and if the new aquaintance completed the second arc then they knew of the mutual faith between them. It's used today in a more mainstream way, but nonetheless.
Honestly, people hardly ever notice this ink permanently resting underneath my skin. Which is 100% fine. My goal wasn't to announce to the world that I'm a believer of Jesus Christ and that He conquered death and rose from the grave and now sits at the right hand of the Father waiting to come back to bring judgement and then once and for all defeat the enemy of us all. Some people may choose to mark upon their bodies that way. Which is great. Seriously. I offer no sass about it.
So what about future tattoos?
Personally, at this point in my life I have decided to not get any more tattoos. I would love to, but I want to respect myself and the people that I will possibly live with and spend time with in the future. I want to travel the world and the seven seas. I want to be a part of cultures and shine for Jesus in a dark world. Overall though, in regards to tattoos, I want to be respectful. Since I have no clue where my travels will take me, I would rather be conservative. Do I regret having my tattoo? Absolutely not. I'm not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it. I understand the implications of ink upon my body referring to Christ may mean in a foreign land though.
I want to be effective. I want to be respectful. I want to bring life and show the world how life without Jesus is nothing.
::Katie Jean
This is a touchy subject among the Christian world. And whatever view you may hold on the matter, I'm not here to pick a fight or to condemn or to point fingers.
Because, you see, I have a tattoo.
Tattoos - they tell stories. In the traveling that I have done over the past year I have met many a people with ink upon their bodies. Each has an unique story to tell. Every line, tittle, and jot has a history and a reason. I met women in my beloved land of Papua New Guinea who bear the mark of old tribal history upon the weathered skin of their faces. They have come from out of the jungle. They have traveled into the light. Some still scorn them for the marks upon their brows and cheeks. These marks are the signs of witchcraft. Of beliefs of old that have been cracked open by the Light of the World.
Is it so surprising that a culture, that has sustained much of it's traditions over the last century, is visible in threads among modern society? Is it so strange to see facial tattoos when walking along in any major metropolitan area? What may have been looked down upon 50, or even 20, years ago has found a stable place in culture. Because the art of expressing oneself is never to be repressed. Right?
My own tattoo... it has a story. It's a reminder to me to remember. (Funny how we need those, hey?) Life isn't always easy. It's not generally pretty. There's a lot of shoe scuffing, glass breaking, nail biting moments in day to day life. A year ago, my life was dark and bleak. I walked through a season of death and searching in ways my 21 and 22 year old self had never imagined possible. Every day was a struggle to just get up. To face reality and the raw mess that we're left with in the blink of an eye sometimes. After months of pain, sorrow, and self-inflicted isolation from God, a friend helped pull me out of the place I had holed myself up in. I am forever grateful to him. I'm not sure he'll ever truly understand the depth of my thankfulness. As winter turned into spring inside my soul, I found myself with my girl Charlie at a tattoo parlor. I knew what I wanted. Small. Unobtrusive. A reminder. This small mark upon my flesh was a sort of manifesto against the enemy. It was my way of screaming what I couldn't vocalize. "You. Did. Not. Win." It was the closing of a chapter, the opening of another.
I chose the ichthus.
Early believers used this simple fish to identify one another. One would draw an arc casually in the sand, and if the new aquaintance completed the second arc then they knew of the mutual faith between them. It's used today in a more mainstream way, but nonetheless.
Honestly, people hardly ever notice this ink permanently resting underneath my skin. Which is 100% fine. My goal wasn't to announce to the world that I'm a believer of Jesus Christ and that He conquered death and rose from the grave and now sits at the right hand of the Father waiting to come back to bring judgement and then once and for all defeat the enemy of us all. Some people may choose to mark upon their bodies that way. Which is great. Seriously. I offer no sass about it.
So what about future tattoos?
Personally, at this point in my life I have decided to not get any more tattoos. I would love to, but I want to respect myself and the people that I will possibly live with and spend time with in the future. I want to travel the world and the seven seas. I want to be a part of cultures and shine for Jesus in a dark world. Overall though, in regards to tattoos, I want to be respectful. Since I have no clue where my travels will take me, I would rather be conservative. Do I regret having my tattoo? Absolutely not. I'm not ashamed of it or embarrassed by it. I understand the implications of ink upon my body referring to Christ may mean in a foreign land though.
I want to be effective. I want to be respectful. I want to bring life and show the world how life without Jesus is nothing.
::Katie Jean
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