Blogging for me kind of died about half way through December. What didn't die was this process of self-evaluation that I'm going through. For the past month, I have been very challenged to look at my life and see all the "junk" and all of the room for improvement that there is. Let me tell you that the list is about 50 miles long. Sometimes I wonder how we get so pushed away from the things that are important, and the things that matter. How did I get from point A to point B when I don't remember moving at all? I guess that answer is one little itty bitty step at a time.
Something I'm very thankful for is that along with the personal smack on the forehead, Katie you're way off track, God has been showing me something big.
I guess when I really evaluate the last few months in my life, I can see a pattern of sorts. I would do something, and then I would see that it wasn't right or good or anywhere in accordance with God's will... and I would get scared. I would ask for God's forgiveness, but then it was like I would fall into a big pit of guilt. I know in my heart that forgiveness = a clean slate. That the sin that was forgiven is then thrown into the pit of fire, and forgotten about. But, I guess my head wasn't following along. Or maybe it was my head that knew the truth, but my feelings and emotions that weren't quite on track. Either way, I spent a lot of time in selfish worry and spiritual pain for no reason.
Looking back now, it almost seems that I was trying to line up my life for God with "good works" or something. The problem with that is, that good works won't get you anywhere. Only a firm belief and faith in Jesus Christ will guarantee your place in Heaven. I was unintentionally trying to do the "right thing" in order to get into God's good graces. The problem with that is that God's grace is free. All I have to do to receive it is ask for it, and it will be freely given. I believe that Jesus died on that cross for my sins, and I have accepted Him into my heart. That means that God's grace is big enough to just swallow me whole.
I will never do enough "good works" or "right things" to deserve Heaven. I am not big enough or important enough or righteous enough to get anywhere near it. But God can carry me there. He can provide everything I'm going to need on the journey, like no one else on Earth can. Grace is my word for the month, and my goal is to accept it every day.
In the end, I guess it was pretty much a pity-party that I was falling into everyday. The sad thing is that I didn't even see the signs. I should know that struggling to pick up my Bible every day, and not knowing what or even where to begin when I pray is a sign that I need to turn around and run straight to the Father.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Saturday, December 18, 2010
New Snow
:)
I love the snow.
There's something about fresh snow falling at night that makes me pay attention to the quietness around me. When you come across a fresh patch, left untouched by human, dog, deer, or snow plow, it's wonderful to see how you can shape it into something else.
It's a winter wonderland outside my front door right!
I'm glad that God took the time to create snow. I'm doubly thankful for warmth. Mittens, scarves, heaters, blankets, houses, and socks (just to name a few) keep us warm during our fun in the snow. I personally have a vendetta against the cold. Once I'm cold, it takes a very long time for me to get warm again. For that reason, I especially value warmth and heat. It makes playing in the snow worth the while.
When it snows, its almost as if everything is perfect for a while. While everything is covered in white, laughter reaches people's faces quicker and a twinkle seems to brighten everyone's eye.....that is until the sky has not ceased, and in the middle of the night dropped two more feet.
In my hometown, school isn't canceled unless the buses can't get out, or there are power lines down....needless to say, I didn't see more than maybe a dozen school days in my elementary through my high school years; living in a town that sees snow generally in October through at least March.
But I won't complain. :) I genuinely enjoy getting to take part in this wonderfully unique creation.
Good night, and be safe if there's snow out there for you!
I love the snow.
There's something about fresh snow falling at night that makes me pay attention to the quietness around me. When you come across a fresh patch, left untouched by human, dog, deer, or snow plow, it's wonderful to see how you can shape it into something else.
It's a winter wonderland outside my front door right!
I'm glad that God took the time to create snow. I'm doubly thankful for warmth. Mittens, scarves, heaters, blankets, houses, and socks (just to name a few) keep us warm during our fun in the snow. I personally have a vendetta against the cold. Once I'm cold, it takes a very long time for me to get warm again. For that reason, I especially value warmth and heat. It makes playing in the snow worth the while.
When it snows, its almost as if everything is perfect for a while. While everything is covered in white, laughter reaches people's faces quicker and a twinkle seems to brighten everyone's eye.....that is until the sky has not ceased, and in the middle of the night dropped two more feet.
In my hometown, school isn't canceled unless the buses can't get out, or there are power lines down....needless to say, I didn't see more than maybe a dozen school days in my elementary through my high school years; living in a town that sees snow generally in October through at least March.
But I won't complain. :) I genuinely enjoy getting to take part in this wonderfully unique creation.
Good night, and be safe if there's snow out there for you!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
The Most Unlikely of Places
Lately, I've been watching a tv series on Netflix. It's called McLeod's Daughters. The show takes place in the Australian bush, and is all about a ranch that is ran by two sisters and an all female staff. I've fallen in love. It's funny, serious, and all about family wrapped into one. It also highlights the many facets of running a property... and I think that's my favorite part. Lots of horses, cows, sheep, and even alpacas. You never know what's going to happen on Drover's Run, the name of the ranch.
My sister and I have been staying up way too late since we've been home watching it.. we just finished the 3rd season. In case anyone is interested in watching, I won't spoil anything.
What I do want to talk about tonight is difficult to put into words. One thing that the McLeod sisters deal with throughout the show is death. The women are actually half-sisters, brought together after a long separation by the death of their father. The show was a long series hit in Australia, and religion isn't ever really mentioned.
I guess this ties in with what I'm thankful for tonight because I am thankful beyond words that I know for certain where I'm going when I die. I have a one-way ticket to Heaven...the boarding time just hasn't been filled in yet. I don't fear death, because I know that being absent in body is being present with the Lord.
One thing that's always hard is seeing people you love die. No words fill the holes that have been left over in your life. The only consolation is found in knowing that if they believed, then Heaven isn't too far off in any of our futures..not to sound morbid or anything. Losing a sibling, parents, friends, and children is extremely difficult. Unfortunately it's a part of life, and everyone will have to deal with it at some time or later. The silver lining in this dark cloud is that there is hope that is only found in Jesus Christ. For that I am thankful.
My sister and I have been staying up way too late since we've been home watching it.. we just finished the 3rd season. In case anyone is interested in watching, I won't spoil anything.
What I do want to talk about tonight is difficult to put into words. One thing that the McLeod sisters deal with throughout the show is death. The women are actually half-sisters, brought together after a long separation by the death of their father. The show was a long series hit in Australia, and religion isn't ever really mentioned.
I guess this ties in with what I'm thankful for tonight because I am thankful beyond words that I know for certain where I'm going when I die. I have a one-way ticket to Heaven...the boarding time just hasn't been filled in yet. I don't fear death, because I know that being absent in body is being present with the Lord.
One thing that's always hard is seeing people you love die. No words fill the holes that have been left over in your life. The only consolation is found in knowing that if they believed, then Heaven isn't too far off in any of our futures..not to sound morbid or anything. Losing a sibling, parents, friends, and children is extremely difficult. Unfortunately it's a part of life, and everyone will have to deal with it at some time or later. The silver lining in this dark cloud is that there is hope that is only found in Jesus Christ. For that I am thankful.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Keep moving forward.
I'm thankful that there isn't someone standing above me with a 20 ton anvil waiting to drop it on my head every time I fail. Because if there was, I would've been dead ages ago.
I thank the Lord today that there is forgiveness, which is found in the blood of Jesus Christ. I'm thankful every day is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet. :)
We're all going to mess up. Royally mess up. But it's the step in what direction that we take next that really matters. Do we keep going the way we've been off to? Or do we take time to contemplate, pray, and just talk with Jesus to determine where the next step of our adventure will take us?
I've missed 2 days of my challenge, but I won't let it stop me. We all make mistakes, and thankfully we're all forgiven. The price for my mistakes was paid for in full on Calvary. What better Christmas present could I ever receive than that?
I thank the Lord today that there is forgiveness, which is found in the blood of Jesus Christ. I'm thankful every day is a new day, with no mistakes in it yet. :)
We're all going to mess up. Royally mess up. But it's the step in what direction that we take next that really matters. Do we keep going the way we've been off to? Or do we take time to contemplate, pray, and just talk with Jesus to determine where the next step of our adventure will take us?
I've missed 2 days of my challenge, but I won't let it stop me. We all make mistakes, and thankfully we're all forgiven. The price for my mistakes was paid for in full on Calvary. What better Christmas present could I ever receive than that?
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Nothings ever slow around here...
Sorry I missed a day! I've kinda been under the weather though, in fact I may come back and delete this post seeing as I've been taking pain medicine and such for over 24 hours. The good news is I now have no wisdom teeth! The procedure went well as far as I know, and although I'm in pain, I'll be right as rain in a few days.
Thank you for all of you who were praying for me. I think the only complication was that it took them awhile to find a vein to insert the IV in. After making me inhale this nitrogen-oxygen stuff (which definitely made me more loopy than the Vicodin is) they ended up giving me the IV in the top of my left hand.
Today I have two things to be thankful for, since I missed yesterday. :)
The first is my Momma!
I know I technically already said I was thankful for my family, butttttt I think this lady deserves her own category! She truly is the ultimate mom. She has the best bedside manner, and can always tell when I'm lying about needing more pain medicine... haha. She's also the first person to recognize a migraine coming on. She gives the best hugs, and knows when I just need someone to play with my hair and not talk.
My mother is an amazing woman of God, and understands the deepest struggles that I go through. She's been my best friend for years, and she's always there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart. I love her so so much, and realize that this is another person I need to remind every day of how much I do really love!
The second thing I am thankful for is a free will.
I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few years, and at different points have come to different conclusions. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have a free will, and that God would just make all of the correct decisions for me.. But I realize how big of a coward that makes me, wishing that. I'm truly thankful for having my own free will because it means that there is at least one thing that I have done in my life that was right. And that was choosing Jesus. If I hadn't of chosen Jesus in 1st grade, would I be the person I am today? I don't know. But I thank God every day for sending the hounds of Heaven after me, and for not giving up on me even once.
I think tomorrow my sister is going to force my brother and her boyfriend to help us put up Christmas decorations. Hopefully I'll be aware enough to take some pictures and post them. Thanks for reading and being an encouragement to me!
Merry Christmas! Always remember that Jesus loves you. :)
Thank you for all of you who were praying for me. I think the only complication was that it took them awhile to find a vein to insert the IV in. After making me inhale this nitrogen-oxygen stuff (which definitely made me more loopy than the Vicodin is) they ended up giving me the IV in the top of my left hand.
Today I have two things to be thankful for, since I missed yesterday. :)
The first is my Momma!
I know I technically already said I was thankful for my family, butttttt I think this lady deserves her own category! She truly is the ultimate mom. She has the best bedside manner, and can always tell when I'm lying about needing more pain medicine... haha. She's also the first person to recognize a migraine coming on. She gives the best hugs, and knows when I just need someone to play with my hair and not talk.
My mother is an amazing woman of God, and understands the deepest struggles that I go through. She's been my best friend for years, and she's always there to pick up the pieces when I fall apart. I love her so so much, and realize that this is another person I need to remind every day of how much I do really love!
The second thing I am thankful for is a free will.
I've been thinking about this a lot over the past few years, and at different points have come to different conclusions. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have a free will, and that God would just make all of the correct decisions for me.. But I realize how big of a coward that makes me, wishing that. I'm truly thankful for having my own free will because it means that there is at least one thing that I have done in my life that was right. And that was choosing Jesus. If I hadn't of chosen Jesus in 1st grade, would I be the person I am today? I don't know. But I thank God every day for sending the hounds of Heaven after me, and for not giving up on me even once.
I think tomorrow my sister is going to force my brother and her boyfriend to help us put up Christmas decorations. Hopefully I'll be aware enough to take some pictures and post them. Thanks for reading and being an encouragement to me!
Merry Christmas! Always remember that Jesus loves you. :)
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Mis Abuelos
Finals are over and winter break has officially started! Hallelujah! Currently I'm at my grandparent's home in central Oregon. Tomorrow I go into surgery to get my top wisdom teeth out... The bottom two have already been removed, and hopefully this will be a quick recovery!
Being in the home that I've loved since childhood brings back so many memories. :)
My grandparents are precious to me. They've always been here for me. Whenever I just wanted to call and talk. They remembered every birthday, every special event.
Every since I was 6 or 7 I've spent a week at my grandparent's during the summer. It's generally a week of scrumptious homemade meals, library trips, and wonderful conversation. I love listening to the stories that they have to tell. Summers spent at Gammy and Papa's were the best!
Through my high school music career, they attended almost every single one of my band and choir concerts. (Seriously! My friends were always disappointed when they didn't get to see my grandparents if they couldn't make it to a concert.) They've put many miles on their Jeep Cherokee for me, and words will never express my thanks. My Gammy has always reminded me of some sort of royalty. She doesn't put on airs or anything, but there's just something about her that makes you want to be the best you can be. She's a kindred spirit. My Papa has always been good for a hug, and his jokes and laughter make every holiday special. I don't tell them enough how much I love them and appreciate them. When I grow up I hope to be half the grandmother to my grandchildren as my grandmother has been to me.
I'm blessed beyond measure to have them in my life. :)
Happy Holidays!
Being in the home that I've loved since childhood brings back so many memories. :)
My grandparents are precious to me. They've always been here for me. Whenever I just wanted to call and talk. They remembered every birthday, every special event.
Every since I was 6 or 7 I've spent a week at my grandparent's during the summer. It's generally a week of scrumptious homemade meals, library trips, and wonderful conversation. I love listening to the stories that they have to tell. Summers spent at Gammy and Papa's were the best!
Through my high school music career, they attended almost every single one of my band and choir concerts. (Seriously! My friends were always disappointed when they didn't get to see my grandparents if they couldn't make it to a concert.) They've put many miles on their Jeep Cherokee for me, and words will never express my thanks. My Gammy has always reminded me of some sort of royalty. She doesn't put on airs or anything, but there's just something about her that makes you want to be the best you can be. She's a kindred spirit. My Papa has always been good for a hug, and his jokes and laughter make every holiday special. I don't tell them enough how much I love them and appreciate them. When I grow up I hope to be half the grandmother to my grandchildren as my grandmother has been to me.
I'm blessed beyond measure to have them in my life. :)
Happy Holidays!
Home
I've always wanted to be a cowgirl. I grew up in the country, but my dad's a cop and we never did the ranching thing. Maybe it's better that way.
I love small towns.
I love being able to walk for an hour and not see another human being.
I love the way that you know every person at the grocery store (and that you know who's there by just scanning the parking lot).
I love the fact that the 300 kids in my high school my senior year was the same number in my best friend's graduating class.
I love the way the air feels in the country. Fresh.
I'm thankful for growing up in a small community. I cannot imagine growing up in a place with more than 3,000 people. Traffic lights and fast food galore and just the busyness wears me out. I know some people love it though, so I'll leave it to you. :)
I love small towns.
I love being able to walk for an hour and not see another human being.
I love the way that you know every person at the grocery store (and that you know who's there by just scanning the parking lot).
I love the fact that the 300 kids in my high school my senior year was the same number in my best friend's graduating class.
I love the way the air feels in the country. Fresh.
I'm thankful for growing up in a small community. I cannot imagine growing up in a place with more than 3,000 people. Traffic lights and fast food galore and just the busyness wears me out. I know some people love it though, so I'll leave it to you. :)
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