Just One Phone Call to Change My Day.

Today I actually received two phone calls from YWAM Townsville.  The first call I knew was happening, and had set up earlier this week.  It's been a long time since I've been so nervous!  I prayed for a calm stomach and that my fear would be gone.  When the phone rang and I answered, my nerves were gone!  The call was just to get a better understanding on how migraines sometimes affect my life.  I've had them since High School, but for the most part do not incapacitate me.  At the end of the phone call, the nice lady (I don't remember her name now) said that the gal I've been emailing would be in contact with me in a couple days with the decision on whether I'd been accepted or not.

I did not know that second phone call would also be today. :)

And so I've been accepted into the YWAM Reef To Outback October 2013 Discipleship Training School.  {That's a mouthful!}  I'm blessed, excited, a little nervous, and overall just praising the Lord for His goodness.  Now comes all of the planning, work, fundraising, and learning how to live out of one suitcase for six months!  Praise the Lord!

I'll be doing my best to keep y'all updated on what stage of the process I'm in and what's going on.  There will be lots to share and tell!

Here's a little list of my goals to be accomplished by January 2nd {One week from today}
1. Fill out my application for a Blue Card
       (A Blue Card is necessary to work with youth ministries while I'm in the state of Queensland, Australia.  Not quite the same as our green card ;)

2.  Pay my down payment!

3.  List all of the craftyness Sarah and I have been up to in my Etsy shop and then open it!
      (More details to come after I've opened it.)

4.  Finish and start sending out sponsorship letters.
      (I have a rough draft, but it needs to be fine tuned!)

I think that this is plenty to keep me busy over the next week!
If you have any questions or ideas for fundraisers shoot me an email or leave a comment.  I'd love to hear from you!

In Christ Alone,
Katie
katie[dot]mcd[at]me[dot]com


p.s.  Here's a little map for a better idea on where I'll be!

A Little Update.

My entire application has now being processed by the YWAM-RTO Leadership Team!  Hopefully I'll hear sometime in the next week whether or not I've been accepted.

In the meantime, my bestie and I have been busy making lots of projects to sell for fundraising!  I'll post more info later when I know more!   

Merry Christmas.

All's grace,

Katie

Hard Things in Life.

It's seems like it hasn't been that long since I've been here, but that's because I've thought about posting a lot... and just haven't done it.  So welcome back.

Today my family received some very hard news.  We found out that my grandfather (Papa) has cancer. It's in his breast, which is rare for men, and his doctor is going to operate to remove it somewhere around January 9th.

My Papa is the strongest, kindest, funniest man I know.  It's from him that we get our music, although I'm sad to say I did not get his whistling gene!  It upsets me that he has to go through this, but life if fleeting.  I stayed with my grandparent's two weeks ago for a week and one night at dinner Gammy and Papa started talking about their childhoods and how things were different.  We're talking no electricity or running water in their older sibling's homes. (They are both the babies of large families)  I love to hear them talk and reminisce about an entire different world, a simpler world.

Right now we're praying that the cancer doesn't spread at all and that the doctor can remove everything during the surgery.  I'm not ready for him to go anywhere.  Although I know that I'll see him in heaven someday if his last day is anywhere in the near future.  I want to make my grandparents great-grandparents, and I want my children to know my Papa.  He's the best Papa in the world and has been there at every turn for me.  It doesn't sound like the cancer is bad, but having a family member diagnosed is not something you ever imagine.

Hug your family tight this Christmas, I will be especially.

"For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord.  Plans to prosper you, not to harm you."
Jeremiah 29:11

The Beginning

It all started my freshman year in college.  During some dark days when I didn't want to be at school, and I just didn't know where I was supposed to be, I started researching missions.

When I was in middle school I had the opportunity to travel with a group called the Young Continentals.  Many of you who are following my journey now supported me 10 years ago in that.  It was a life changing experience.  I spent 6 weeks at a time traveling around the country (As an 11 year old!) singing, dancing, and spreading the gospel.  I learned so much about myself and about the Lord during that time.  I can't believe it's been so long!

As I started looking at and researching different mission organizations and possible places to go, I came across YWAM.  {Insert a little pre-cursor story about YWAM from my time with the Young Continentals.}

For those that don't know much about the Young Continentals, here is a little background.  Every summer kids from the age of 10-18 would come together from across the country and go through a week of 'training camp'.  In that week you get to know the roughly 35 other people in your tour, as well as your tour director and leaders.  It's crazy to think about, but our parents sent us off into the country with 21-25 year olds as our guides.  That week was also a time for everyone to learn all of the music, dancing, and drama that would become our lives for the following 5 weeks.  It's a crazy experience with not a lot of sleep.  Everyone becomes friends fast, which is good considering that from training camp you get on a bus, with 40 other people, which is now your home.  Every night we would stop in a different city or town and perform at a local church or event center.  From there, usually members of the church would then take two or three of us into their homes to host us for the evening.  They would feed us, let us use their washer and dryer and get up bright and early the next morning to get back on the bus and do it all over again.

Now, onto my story.  My second summer touring with the Young Continentals, we were in California some where and my friend Jennifer and I were assigned to stay with this lady together.  It had been a particularly long day, and we were ready to go to sleep as soon as we got the the kind lady's house.  Well, our host was a widow whose children were all out of the house and she really wanted the company.  So we politely sat at her kitchen bar while she kept feeding us rice pudding over and over and over and over... I don't like rice pudding...at all.  Whenever she turned her back I would pour mine into Jennifer's bowl.  Yeah.   I'm horrible, but Jennifer loved the stuff!  Along with the rice pudding she also kept force feeding us margarita mix (Just the liquid mix that comes in the plastic jug.  No alcohol.  Think green, super sweet, and oh so gross).  While we were partaking in the food she was making us eat she started talking about YWAM.  Intermixed with the telling was also how she was Jewish.  And anyway, she went on and on about YWAM and Judaism for a long time.  Suffice to say, up until three years ago I thought YWAM was some weird Jewish cult and harbored very negative feelings towards the organization due to my force feeding of rice pudding and margarita mix.

When I first stumbled upon the YWAM site, I was very skeptical.  I immediately went to the mission statement page, and my fears were abated once and for all.   A short while later my pastor at the church I attend when I'm at college shared how he had earned his pastorate through YWAM New Zealand.  It was a conformation that yes this ministry is what they say to be.

The next step was to decide where I wanted to go.  I stayed up until 3 a.m. that night looking at all of the different places it was possible to see.  My initial choices were between Russia, England, Austria, and Australia.  Ever since I was little I wanted to travel to the U.K.  I'm not sure why I was considering Russia, but I've always just wanted to see it.  Growing up I had read a lot of books on WWII and the Holocaust, and Austria was a huge part of that.  I felt like I'd almost been there from some of the things I'd read.  And The Sound of Music takes place in Austria.  And then there was Australia.  It's the land of the wild brumbies (Is it horrible that I was basing decisions on movies?  Man from Snowy River anyone?)  It's weird how many things over the past four years have pointed me to Australia.

So I had these four countries, with multiple options in each to choose from.  I just started researching all of the different bases.  Nothing really grabbed me in Austria, England, or Russia.  Then I got to researching the different options in Australia.  I knew it was the one as soon as I saw the title.  YWAM RTO- Youth With a Mission Reef to Outback.  I love the ocean and I love the country.  It gripped my soul and it fit everything I was looking for.  Including a week of camping out in the bush.  :)

Following the discovery of YWAM RTO were multiple calls to my mother and best friend.  I was convinced that I should drop of out school and pursue this.  Thankfully, my mother quickly talked me out of it.  So it got put on the back-burner, for after college.  Ironically, I won't be finished with college when I board a flight for the Down Under next October.  I'll have roughly two terms left.

The world may not understand why I want to go to a foreign country for 6 months without knowing a single person, and that's fine.  I chose to turn in my application for next fall for a few different reasons.  I desperately want to grow closer to God, and I want to dedicate this part of my life to Him.  It's really the perfect time.  All my life I've done the things that other people told me to do.  Granted that's part of growing up and being a child, but this is truly the first decision that I've made on my own.  I feel that I've already wasted so much time that could have been dedicated to the Lord.  Another big reason is that I have no idea what's in store for my life.  After I graduate from college...well it's all a blank canvas.  Or more like a canvas with invisible ink.  It's not my time to see it yet.

This past Saturday (November 18th, 2012) I turned in my application.  As soon as my three references turn in their references my application will be processed and I'll find out for sure if I need to learn how to live out of one bag. ;)

Thank you again for walking with me on this journey.
Until next time,
Katie

Wholly Committed

Tonight I went to a bible study at my home church.  They are working on a study by Chip Ingram called Living on the Edge. Dare to Experience True Spirituality.  The topic tonight was about what God wants the most from us.  The answer?  Complete surrender.

One of the questions asked was, "What is your biggest barrier to complete surrender?  Is there anything that keeps you from saying 'I'm all in'? Or for those of you who are all in, what was the number one fear that kept you from surrendering to Christ?"  I was the youngest person in the room by at least 20 years, and most of the answers that came from the other attendees had to do with being selfish, and wanting to maintain control over their lives.  This is what I wrote:

What if I fail?

 Sure, I worry about having to give up things I like to do, or living in a comfortable home, but the thing that holds me back most of the time is failure.  What happens if I royally screw something up?  I chose, many years ago, to give my life fully to Christ and let him take the reins.  Human nature, my sinful nature, has tried to take the reins back at many different stages.  But what I have to learn is that I can't take back what I've already given... it's more like a little struggle.. which generally ends with me landed in the mud, with a wheel stuck.  At which point I choose to walk away for a while to clear my head and decide what I'm going to do.

The thing is, if we were all perfect, if we never failed and never did anything wrong, we would not know God's grace.  We wouldn't know the love of being welcomed back into the arms of the Father, and we wouldn't see mercy up close and personal.  The cross wouldn't hold any meaning, and the resurrection of our Saviour would be pointless.  But we do make mistakes. Every. Single. Day.  Little ones, big ones, green ones, purple ones.  It's how we respond to our own mistakes, and what we choose to do with the consequences and our actions that bring us closer to the Lord.  I'm a real-life, messy all the time, beautiful, loud {you may not believe it, just ask my mother.. the good Lord gave me lungs}, and sometimes crazy girl.  I say stupid things, hold stupid grudges, sing at the top of my lungs and don't pick up my clothes.  I hit the snooze button a minimum of 5 times every morning, and struggle within myself to do the right thing and choose God over convenience and/or laziness.  In fact, I'm still struggling to open my Bible.  Right now.  Pray for me?  We are called "The children of God" for a reason.  When we choose to be a part of this family we have to relearn everything.  Walking isn't just one foot in front of the other anymore.  Now it includes our spiritual feet.   Talking isn't just about voicing our opinion, and communicating that we need to eat or sleep.  We now have to learn to use our voice to pray, worship, and lift each other up.  Learning now encompasses places that we cannot see, and events that have not taken place yet.  Interesting how you don't hear "The teenagers of God" or "The adults of God"..... Nobody wants to grow up, right?  This is the perfect time to really embrace our childhood and relearn everything from the ground up.  Literally.  

Moving Forward

Tonight my momma and I got to pray together about some extended family issues.  It's so good to be reminded through prayer of the strength of the Lord.  He can accomplish anything.

I've been struggling with anger towards my sister.  The past year has actually been very hard.  She's made decisions that I don't agree with, and that I feel have disrespected our family and everything we stand for.  But I'm reminded that her choices are her own.  The only thing I can do is love her.

Momma and I have been watching One Tree Hill, and this quote is from season 9.

 "Love means giving chances when there are no more chances left to give."

When I heard that I realized that at the end of the day, we will always be sisters.  I can waste time being upset at the choices she's made, be mad at how she's treated me, but in the end it doesn't matter.  All that matters is that I love her for who she is and pray that she finds the Lord.  We always said that we wouldn't be like our parent's siblings.  They hate each other and fight all the time, and it's painful.  I refuse to get to that point.  I don't know what my relationship with my sister is supposed to look like, but I know that I'm supposed to love her and pray for her.  The rest I leave for the Lord.

The Rift

Hello all,

It's been almost 6 months since I've posted here.  Almost 6 months since I've entered this community of believers to find encouragement and strength.  I can't believe it's been that long.  I've drifted away from the Lord these past 6 months, and one of the only things that I've found encouragement in every day is the KLove Encouraging Word.  Every time I hear the "tweet" on my phone and look to see what it is, there's been a sense of dread and guilt, but also one of longing.  Every day the Lord has tried to reach me, and every day I've turned away.  This summer has been a drifting one.  One of traveling and almost non-stop working.  Literally.  My heart and my soul can't take this rift I've somehow created.  Today, I'm reposting my last post.  Because honestly, I don't remember writing it... and beyond that, it was written for me.  So here is Faith, and praying that my journey will continue one step at a time. 

Life... Lately
Faith [in God] must be whole hearted, unwavering, and stronger than death.  You must have no reservations, and there's no turning back.  Faith is how you honor the Lord every day.  It's easy to trust the Lord in the good times, when everything is great and life seems easy.  But where will you run, to whose arms will you go when the going gets tough?

I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father.  None of us are perfect.  We all stumble and fall.  We must get back up again.  We must continue to fight for the Lord.  I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers.  The book is about Caleb.  I don't think that I really understood his story before now.  But then again, I don't think I was supposed to.  God's timing is perfect in everything.  In everything there is a purpose.  For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.

Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah.  He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity.  When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out.  He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey.  Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years.  Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land.  It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.

There it is: faith.  Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises.  He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe.  Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.

Life is so much harder than people make it out to be.  Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools.  Why?  Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young?  It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry.  We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss.  Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred.  To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face.  They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.

Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming.  What are your gifts?  Are you passionate about music?  Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you!  Are you an advocate for education of all peoples?  Then share it.  Find an avenue to help educate people.  Homeside or abroad!  Maybe you're interested in agriculture.  There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it.  The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door.  It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something.  It's the one that scares me too.  But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.

Life, as always, has ups and downs.  I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything.  It's hard.  Really hard.  But then again, we were never promised an easy life.  Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things.  It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray.  I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time.  What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?

Until next time,
Kaitlynn

Life...Lately

Faith [in God] must be whole hearted, unwavering, and stronger than death.  You must have no reservations, and there's no turning back.  Faith is how you honor the Lord every day.  It's easy to trust the Lord in the good times, when everything is great and life seems easy.  But where will you run, to whose arms will you go when the going gets tough?

I hope the answer is straight to the arms of the Loving Father.  None of us are perfect.  We all stumble and fall.  We must get back up again.  We must continue to fight for the Lord.  I just finished the book The Warrior by Francine Rivers.  The book is about Caleb.  I don't think that I really understood his story before now.  But then again, I don't think I was supposed to.  God's timing is perfect in everything.  In everything there is a purpose.  For those of us who need a refresher, here's the rundown on Caleb.

Caleb was a distant relative of the tribe of Judah.  He traveled from Egypt into the wilderness with the children of Israel when Moses led them out of captivity.  When they finally reached the Promised Land, Caleb was chosen from the tribe of Judah to enter the land and scout it out.  He and Joshua were the only two who came back and gave truthful reports of their 40 day journey.  Because they were 2 out of 12 who spoke the truth, the Lord judged Israel and led them to wander in the desert for 40 years.  Joshua and Caleb were the only two men from their generation to enter the Promised Land.  It was because of their faith in the Lord to give to them what was already theirs.

There it is: faith.  Caleb had to believe with every fiber of his being that the Lord was going to provide for them and hold true to His word and promises.  He faced giants and perversion and nearly 1 million of his brothers and sisters who didn't believe.  Yet, his faith was strongly secured in the Lord.

Life is so much harder than people make it out to be.  Our youth have no idea what is waiting for them when they leave the halls of their high schools.  Why?  Is it because we don't want to burden them with the weight of the world when they are young?  It is only a burden the Lord was supposed to carry.  We've all heard the saying that ignorance is bliss.  Yes, the not knowing is generally preferred.  To the point that our society looks away from the abuse and mistreatment that so many peoples of our world face.  They turn away from the fact that these people need Jesus just as much as you and me.

Looking at the big picture can be overwhelming.  What are your gifts?  Are you passionate about music?  Then share Jesus and the joy of music with those around you!  Are you an advocate for education of all peoples?  Then share it.  Find an avenue to help educate people.  Homeside or abroad!  Maybe you're interested in agriculture.  There are so many people who just need us to come alongside them and assure them that, yes they can do it.  The hardest step is the one that takes you out your front door.  It's the step that leads you to friends and family to share with them that you are going to do something.  It's the one that scares me too.  But faith is what we're called to, and faith is what the Lord will give us when He calls.

Life, as always, has ups and downs.  I'm just trying to find the Lord in everything.  It's hard.  Really hard.  But then again, we were never promised an easy life.  Being Kingdom minded really puts a spin on things.  It makes some things that didn't seem so important before shine, and the things that used to shine dull to a dark gray.  I find that I don't get so overwhelmed when I live one moment at a time.  What helps you keep your eyes on the Father?

Until next time,
Kaitlynn

Katniss Everdeen, The Girl On Fire

*Spoiler*
This post includes details about the entire Hunger Games series.  Please do not read on if you haven't read the books, but wish to.  Come back after you read them though! :)

Rereading the Hunger Games this weekend was an interesting experience for me.  I generally remember books I read pretty well, but for some reason this series didn't stick with me.  I remembered a few of the big details, but for the most part it was like reading them for the first time. 

When I put down Mockingjay today there was still a trail of tears on my face, and I just sat there in the silence.  I am so thankful that my God is real, that He never leaves me, and that even though life - real life - isn't lovey dovey and we don't usually get fairytale endings, He's always there.  What really struck me was that Katniss and Peeta were only 16 when the horror of being reaped for the Hunger Games took place.  They were 16 when they saw 22 other children killed around them.  By their own hands or not.  And then they're back in district 12, and just when everything seems as normal as it can be after being in the arena, everything takes another complete shift.  These two "star-crossed-lovers" are reaped again.  And now both Katniss and Peeta have volunteered for the Games.  They are 17. 

I physically hurt with the pain that Katniss feels through the whole ordeal.  Her confusion, hurt, the betrayal she feels.  The Mockingjay, the face of the rebellion is found alone most of the time.  She spends a lot of her time running from everyone because reality is a nightmare, but her nightmares are even worse than reality.  I can't imagine having to see almost everyone and everything she ever loved ripped away from her. 

I imagine those reading these books that feel like Katniss do, and I pray that they know just how much the Lord loves them.  I pray that they know they are not alone.  When we feel alone is generally when the Lord really has picked us up and holds us close in His arms. 

I'm amazed at the stark difference between our reality and Panem [the rubble of the U.S left behind after our nation falls].  More than that though my soul grieves for the utter despair that takes over a life that isn't founded in the Lord.  Add to it that the whole country of Panem doesn't embrace any religion at all, and the sorrow is magnified a hundred fold.  The greed of the few lucky to be born in the Capital, and the literal hunger and suffering of those born into places like District 12.  But then I look at our world.  Is it really so different?  The Games remind me of the Arena in ancient Rome, with a sadistic, high-tech twist.  Well even back then it was horrible. 

Is our world today really so different in that the rich are the few, and a very large portion of the world is dying of hungry or disease, all things that we can fix - if we are willing to stand up and make a difference.  We don't live in a place like Panem where contact with anyone outside of your district is forbidden, where you can't leave the perimeter that a select few have chosen for you.  We have the freedom to use our money as we wish, to travel the world.  So what holds us back?  Lack of initiative?  Are we waiting for someone like Katniss to spark a revolution?  We shouldn't have to.  We're commanded to take care of the poor, the widows, and those without clothes on their backs.  A large part of the world seems to have forgotten though.  

This series leaves me still with a lot to chew over.  If you decided to read this post anyway without reading the books, I will say that yes there is a happy ending, the impossible happens and Katniss chooses who she will love.  I won't say who though :)  

I recommend reading them.  Written in first person narrative first bugged me a lot, but you really get to think like The Girl On Fire.  It fits her character. 

And if you didn't already know, the Hunger Games comes out on the Big Screen 3-23-12.  I'm going, are you?

-Katilynn Marie

The Love of the Lord

Hello again,
So lately the Lord has really been pressing upon me His unyielding, unconditional love for me.  I admit that some days are good days and some days are not so good for me.  There are the days that I wake up ready to embrace what the Lord has for me, and there are some mornings I wake up and don't want to even get out of bed.  This is how I know I'm on the right track though:  I don't have all of the answers, I don't have the strength to do it on my own, and I still don't even know what it is I'm supposed to be doing or feeling or saying....

I've done a lot of thinking lately (oh no) and mostly it's been in a sort of circle.  I guess I'm trying to figure out how to live out my purpose in a world that is consumed with itself.  Well to begin with I'm still trying to discover my own purpose on this earth.  But it does make it infinitely more difficult with so many people walking around who don't really give a hoot. 

Anyway, back to His love.  Because that's what it all boils down to.  God's amazing love for us.  For you.  For me.  It's funny [or ironic maybe] that the name of this blog is the Greatest Commandment.  Which is a reference to Deuteronomy 6:5 [NKJV].

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 

[The Message]:

Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that's in you, love him with all you've got!

 When I created this blog my freshman year of college, it was to glorify the Lord.  Writing at His calling.  Since then I've contemplated changing the name of this blog multiple times, but each time I don't.  There's always a nagging at the back of my mind that says, "No, keep it as it is.  For My glory, not yours, Kaitlynn."  And I can't argue with that.

Now that I've truly stepped into the Lord's love for me, this passage takes on a different meaning.  It looks different than it used to.  Before when I would read this, and when I tried to live it out, it was all me showing my human love for the Lord.  Which is great....but not enough.  I didn't absolutely believe the power that grace had, I didn't see the absolute beauty that God sees when He looks at me.  A love that's one sided isn't really love at all.  What I thought was loving God was only a pale picture of the truth, of reality.  I was looking at Him, trying to love Him through a glass door that was closed.  The door only had a handle on my side.  It was my choice to accept the love of the One who gave up His life for me.  And when I did open that door, my knight in shining armor swept me off my feet and held me close.  Close enough to feel His touch, to hear His heart beating where my head laid on His chest. 

Have you opened the door to the God of creation yet?  Have you allowed the Greatest Love Story ever told to become your love story with the One who will never leave you nor forsake you? 

And so Deuteronomy 6:5 looks different to me because I know that the Lord absolutely loves me, and so for me to love Him is completely different now.  Nothing I do or don't do can strengthen His love for me, because it is already infinite.  And so I can rest in His love, and continue to learn how to love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, and mind. 

Love is a verb.

Hello, dear friends!  My church just finished a week of Prayer and Fasting.  Hallelujah!  I am blessed beyond measure to be a
part of a church body that is seeking God every single day.  The Lord moved through our lives in big ways this year, and I am still trying to get it all straight. 
This year Calvary offered a prayer meeting every morning, noon, and evening.  I made it to five of the six morning offerings and six of the seven evening prayer meetings.  The Lord is good, the Lord is good, the Lord is awesome!  Posturing yourself before the Lord in humility with a humble heart is where God works. 

At every prayer meeting we have half an hour of worship, and then half an hour of prayer in small(ish) groups.  During the mornings, usually you pray with two or three other people, and then in the evenings, our group prayers include anywhere from three to seven additional people.  This year the theme that kept reappearing was God's desire for our whole hearts. 

My heart at the beginning of this week was pretty twisted, scarred, and broken.  Over and over again God showed me that it was that way because I was holding onto things that I had no business holding onto.  God did a lot of amazing work in my life, my mind, and my heart this week.  One of the best things happened Friday night though. 

Marz and I were in a prayer circle, and our leader, Ron, had asked us all to give thanks to the Lord in a circle.  After we had all finished, he said that he believed the Lord had laid two words on him for 2 people during prayer, and that the Lord had then laid a 3rd.  He shared the first two, and then he turned to me.  I have never had a word from the Lord spoken over me, and it was amazing.  I'll try my best to remember what he said,

"Kaitlynn, the Lord has showed me some sort of glass, something that you can see through, but not clearly.  Almost like a veil.  You are on one side and God is on the other side.  He loves you so much, He delights in you, but there's something in you that is blocking you from receiving God's love.  He wants you to know that He loves you so much, and that you aren't experiencing even a tiny bit of it." 
He also shared with me a scripture, but I can't remember what it was.

Before we went into our prayer circles on Friday night Rob, our pastor, had prayed over us that the Lord would work where we weren't even expecting Him to work.  This came totally out of left field for me.  But as soon as Ron started speaking to me, I knew that it was all true.  I knew that I wasn't allowing the Lord to shine His physical, mental, and spiritual love on me.  I was keeping His love at arm distance because I didn't believe I worthy. 
Going into Friday evening I was so joyful!  My heart was lighter than it had been in so long!  I felt confident in being a child of God, but I wasn't allowing Him to delight in me, to absolutely love me. 

Friday night after prayer the Lord really pressed into me and revealed to me that I wasn't allowing Him to show me His love because I wasn't accepting who I was.  I didn't want to feel His love because I didn't know what I was missing and I wasn't comfortable in my own skin. 

The LORD loves me!!!  He delights in me!!! He calls me beautiful!!!  I am His daughter and His precious jewel!!!

I guess part of me didn't want to believe most of the line above this for so long because I didn't want to be prideful, I didn't want to be noticed, and I just didn't believe it.  But I do now. 

Do YOU know that the Lord loves you?!?!  Right now, whatever state your heart is in.  He loves you.  Period.  He wants to pour out His blessings and love on you. 

There's lots of changes coming in my life, and I'm excited to see them! 

Until next time,
Kaitlynn

A Breath of Fresh Air

It seems like I'm always saying this, that the act of being in the Word and actually being fed in a congregation makes SUCH a difference.  Mostly, I'm saying it to myself because as Ann Voskamp says, "I have soul amnesia."  We all go through highs and lows.  It's finding the equilibrium that matters.  Where is the homeostasis (bonus points for using a biology word) between myself and God?  Between the world and eternity? 

Tonight was my college group.  We don't meet over Christmas Break, and I didn't go very much in November.  I didn't realize how much I missed it.  I didn't realize how foggy my vision has been lately.  I was so heavy burdened and I didn't even realize it.

(photo credit)

This morning I woke up and did not want to get out of bed.  I was really groggy and grumpy even after a nice hot shower.  After eating I couldn't keep my eyes open and was on the verge of tears for most of the morning.  I have no idea why.  When I left to go to work I was really disheartened.  When I got in the car I remembered that my gas gauge was on empty and that my bank account was about the same.  Through the haze I knew that my only option was to call upon the Lord.  

My roommate Marz has a quote on the whiteboard on her board right now.

"God's abundance is a perfect match to our emptiness."

 So good!
And SO true.
The thing is though, this morning I had to absolutely trust that God would get me to work in the next town over.  There was no room for thoughts of what I would do if I ran out of gas or if I was late.  God is bigger than the size of our gas tank or the dollar amount in our bank account.  But how often do I really rely on Him?  How often do I really look to see the amazing work He's done? 

This morning my vision was clouded.  Not physically, but spiritually and mentally.  I couldn't see past the heaviness and burden that I had put on myself.  I couldn't see past needing to get good grades this term and being on time for work.  I couldn't see past having wasted so much time recently watching TV shows on Netflix and generally doing nothing with my life. 

But now I see that what I thought were treacherous mountains are really just little mole hills in a very vast, beautiful meadow.  Everything is about perspective. 

I'll be working on keeping my perspective Heaven minded and eternity bound this week.  What about you?

Much love and until next time,
Kaitlynn Marie

 

Seasons

We all go through different seasons in life.  2011 was a very interesting year for me.  It is set apart by it's lack of music.  I literally just sat here for 5 minutes and wracked my brain for an instance of music in the past year.  There was just the one.  I sang at my county fair.

For as long as I can remember, music has been an integral part of my life.  Music has pumped through my veins..  If I were at home, I would simply run down to the Baptist church and pluck away at the piano until whatever was out of my system.  Or I would put my headphones in and play as loud as I could on my keyboard.  Seeing as I avoid the music hall on campus, and I don't exactly have the keys to my church here, or room for my full size keyboard.. music has suffered.  Sure, I have my clarinet and guitar here, but... I'm one of those obnoxious musicians who absolutely gets lost in the music and drowns everything else out.  It's how I think clearly.  I don't think the neighbors would appreciate it.

I believe that there is a reason for everything, a time and a purpose.  This season without music has been good and bad.  I know it's something my soul is craving.
I don't think I really believe in New Year's Resolutions, but I do believe in living intentionally.  Just because the calendar marks the beginning of a new year doesn't mean that anything has changed.  So while I don't want to set goals or resolutions, I will share with you my intentions. 

• I intend to get back on track with my Bible reading after a very long Christmas Break.  {I have seen the difference in myself.  I have witnessed first hand my reactions when I'm not in the Word.  Why is it always the things our parents tell us to do, that end up being what we don't want to do...and yet in the end, end up doing?}

• I intend to play more music, and to not be afraid of it.  {Sometimes I'm afraid to play because I'm afraid I'm going to fail.  That happened more times than I can count this year.  I want to get back to the place where music is my special bond to my Father.  The place where the only thing that matters is that I'm worshiping.}

On another note, I have some really exciting news!  Long story short I heard my boss from home wanted to talk to me, so I called him.  He told me that he would be willing to bring me on to work 3 months early this year if I take online classes. (This was originally my idea, I just never heard back from him, so jumped to the conclusion that he didn't like it.)  God is so good!  So spring term I will be back in my hometown working full-time and doing school online full-time.  It will be a challenge, but I can do it.  

Some more exciting news.  I did all the math yesterday, and found out that if I take classes this summer, I can actually graduate next June!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord.  I don't know how, but it's so exciting.  And I'm going to start crying just thinking about it.  The opportunity to go back to work early this year really confirms for me that I'm supposed to move back home after I graduate.  You see, the thing is that college was never my dream.  It was His.  And that's the beauty of it.  I'm giving it back to Him.  While I was trying to control this semi truck from back, He's been at the wheel. 

So, will you pray for me?  Will you pray that God completes this work in me that only He could have begun?  Will you pray along side me that I can decrease so that He can increase in my life?  I would greatly appreciate it. 

~Kaitlynn Marie